Joxy’s tips for going on mission trips within Nigeria

Your church is up and running. You are well known, both in the city in which your church is based, and further afield too. You are very mindful of the Great Commission, so you decide to go on an outreach mission, to preach to the unsaved within Nigeria.

There is no hard and fast rule as to how you should approach this, I am merely going to give you pointers as to how it is done. You are free to pick and choose or mix and match in any order that pleases you.

It used to be the case that preachers roughed it in order to go to small towns and villages where the gospel had not been preached to win a few converts. That was in those days, you do not have to do that now. Have the people come to you instead.

Spare no expense in publicising your event. You know the money will be recouped many times over through offerings. Use all the mediums available to you, television, radio, newspaper advertisements, billboards, and of course the ubiquitous flyers. Give the planned crusade a catchy title, reminding people that they will encounter the Holy Spirit in a way they have never seen before, and watch as interest builds up to fever pitch.

Ensure that your hosts realise that your safety is non-negotiable. Your security has got to be top-notch, and seen to be so too.  As you preach to a huge crowd about operating under divine protection, make sure that your security personnel are visibly dotted throughout the crowd.

They should wear well tailored dark suits, obtrusive earpieces, and sunglasses. They should be unsmiling look menacing, as they stand along the aisles with their backs to you and should scan the audience intensively for any signs of hostility. It is de rigueur that they whisper tersely into their walkie talkies from time to time. The enemies accosted Jesus when he was with his disciples, you have to make sure that doesn’t happen to you.

After the service, it is imperative that you are surrounded by a phalanx of security personnel as you make your way back to your car. It is not required that you make physical contact with any of the attendees as you had already laid hands on the chosen few during the time allotted for that purpose. No hem-touching for you, the cut of your designer suit must not be distorted by such pawing.

You know the reputation of the region you are heading towards, but you are bent on fulfilling the mission. You want to touch the unsaved. The message burning within you has got to be delivered. This is why you must go in a convoy. The police commissioner knows you are in town, and has laid on a police escort for you, complete with sirens. This is not being ostentatious, or making improper use of government resources. No. It is your due. Your gift has made room for you.

As you go on your way to the next city, you must not allow your mind to stray to the kidnappers. You are manifesting what it means to operate under divine protection, and you are untouchable. Do not spare a thought for the kidnappers, about how you have deprived them of an opportunity to hear the gospel up close and personal. Do not think about how meeting you face to face could have impacted their lives for good. Do not think about how you could have gotten into the hinterlands of the riverine areas, and spread the gospel whilst your ransom was being negotiated. You are ready to suffer for Christ, but not to the extent of being kidnapped.

Speed on your way. And when you get to your next speaking engagement, remember to give God all the glory publicly, for keeping you under his divine protection every step of the way.

To be continued……

Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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About Joxy

When I'm not cooking or thinking about cooking, then I'm writing, or thinking about writing. I love misdirection....nothing is ever what it seems!
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10 Responses to Joxy’s tips for going on mission trips within Nigeria

  1. Gillian King says:

    Lol! Satire at it’s best! Keep ’em coming!

  2. Maje says:

    Very funny piece, It’s interesting how it’s so true too…. I Like :-).

  3. N says:

    Joke,methinks you should be getting feedback by now of how these tips are yielding fruit…..you sef na preacher of sorts….May your hustle remain blessed!!!

  4. Lol my safety is non-negotiable! I don’t think this line would work well as a Nigerian returnee. They will make it clear that you’re “forming yankee” instead of “embracing your roots.” At this point I will want to ask if ignoring apparent danger is a way of embracing one’s roots. Lol I love Naija mehn! 😀

  5. angelsbeauty says:

    lol i have always wondered you know.. why pastors need security.. infact, why christians need security.. afterall we have christ and faith in him and that should be plenty.. no?

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