2011 was the year in which ….

….my children and I got our first Nigerian passports, and were able to go on a visit to Nigeria for four whole weeks (for me, this was after a period of about 16 years). For this Lord, I am thankful.

….I underwent major surgery successfully, and made a  full recovery. It is not everyone that goes into an operating theatre that emerges with the issues corrected, or even emerges alive. For the fact that all went well, I am thankful Lord.

….T was able to get employment in his chosen field, after a four month stretch in which he studied to improve his skill set, looked after me and our children while I recuperated, and proved over and over again why I had made the right decision in marrying him. Father God, through this period you showed your faithfulness constantly, we were low on funds but rich in the things that really matter. You drew us together as a family and T got to spend quality time with us and with you. For this Lord, I am thankful.

.…My children turned 4, 2 and 8 in that order. They are lovely children, a credit to any parent, and they bring us much joy. For this Lord, I am thankful.

….My dad progressed from using a walker. to using crutches, to walking short distances unaided. It was an uphill task, but you strengthened him through it in spite of his advanced years. For this Lord, I am thankful.

….My mum was there whenever I needed her, there was nothing that was too much trouble for her to do when it concerned me or my children. She is an example of what mothering is truly about, going the extra mile, just because. For this Lord, I am thankful.

….For family, for friends, and for you my readers…Lord, I am thankful.

Happy New Year! May we all achieve greater things this year than we did in the previous one, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thanks for stopping by .

He walked along jauntily, with a spring in his steps as he contemplated what awaited him on his return. She had embraced him with more than a hint of passion as he had said goodbye that morning and had whispered in his ears that tonight’s dinner was going to be special.

She was almost always dressed in black, her only concession to fashion being the spot of colour on her fitted skirts, today it was a bright splash of red.

He had heard tales about her, he had seen them whispering to each other when he had introduced her as his soul mate, but he hadn’t and still didn’t care. Nothing had come of their suspicions anyway, he was living proof of that.

All her side dishes were set out, he was providing the main course, he prided himself on his ability to feed his family.

He hurried home, muttering apologies to those he bumped into in his haste.

She spun around furiously in her bid to get ready, and cast one last glance at her reflection. Her dark eyes, alive with excitement, stared back at her.

He came in, and stared at the table. He turned to her questioningly, but the words he was about to utter were swallowed up in the fierceness of her kiss and warm embrace.

She wrapped her arms around him as she transported him to dizzying heights of passion.

‘What about dinner?’ he gasped when he was able to catch a breath.

‘You, my dear, are it’ came her drawled reply as she sank her teeth into his neck and released her venom into him.

She stepped back to admire her handiwork, and nodded in satisfaction. She had swaddled her erstwhile partner in a silken cocoon and placed his body right in the middle of the table, ready for serving. She had grown fond of him in the time they had spent together, and she knew he would taste even better for it.

The black widow spider smiled as she lifted her carving knife.

Compliments of the season, hope you all had a great Christmas. I do not celebrate the fact that He was born on that day, but the fact that He was born, and still lives. Thanks for stopping by, and for reading this, my 100th post ! Wishing you a happy, healthy, prosperous and God-filled 2012. Onwards, and upwards!

In her response, the medical doctor recommends the use of a ‘mild’ solution of household bleach to rinse the underarms and pubic area two or three times a day after bathing!

I do not claim to have any medical training,most of the knowledge I have was gleaned from personal experience, novels, and the expert teams at the Seattle Grace and Holby City hospitals. Oh, and from watching ER(never did know what that hospital was called) too.

However, I do not think it is right to advise that household bleach be used in cleaning any part of the human body, whatever the reason.

But then again, I am not a doctor. What do I know?

Thanks for stopping by .

p.s. Letters are still coming in from ‘Informed Viewer’…and I have no idea why my fonts are doing a Jackie Chan on me, but it’s late, and I still have to go eat some ice cream so please forgive me, this one time.

Image via Wikipedia

I am sorry for my delay in responding to your letter dated the 1st of November 2011. You raised a number of issues, and I wanted to be sure I addressed each one as fully as possible.

Before I go on, thank you for being as you put it ‘the sole viewer of ‘Cooking with Joxy’’. I have not been on YouTube for more than a few months, and I must congratulate you for having managed to log on from various computers located in countries as diverse as Ghana and Sri Lanka simultaneously, just for the sole aim of boosting my viewing figures, which are currently in excess of 3000.

The dish you have an issue with in this letter is Efo Elegusi. Roughly translated, this means Spinach stew with ground melon seeds.

If you had watched the video as closely as you claim to have, you would have observed that the melon seeds were white. I also stated that they were commonly found in African food stores, and might have the name egusi on the packet. When I processed the seeds in the blender, the resulting powder was also white. I thus find it hard to understand why you chose to use watermelon seeds, which happen to be black (thank you for sending me some to buttress your point), and which as far as I know, are inedible. You state in your letter that these were hard to blend, and came out looking greyish. I totally believe you.

Spinach is commonly used for the stew, but green leafy vegetables can also be substituted. I listed kale, calaloo and even spring greens as acceptable substitutes and said the greens might have to be cooked for a bit longer as they had denser leaves. I held up each of these vegetables so you, the viewer could see what they looked like. I also said frozen spinach is widely available in supermarkets and corner shops. I fail to see why you thought using broccoli was a good idea. I know you claim to be good friends with Gregg Torode, the Masterchef judge, but as far as I am aware, there are two judges on Masterchef, and they are John Torode and Gregg Wallace. I am good friends with a psychiatrist, but I would not go as far as to try to handle psychosis of any form. However, I am quite happy to put in a good word for anyone who might need her professional services.

I am partial to using palm oil in recipes that require it. That is because it imparts a certain flavour that is not replicated in other oils. I am an advocate for using it sparingly, however a mild-tasting vegetable oil could be substituted if preferred, although the taste of the finished dish would be different. I do not recall advocating the use of food colouring to alter the colour of extra-vigin olive oil, and I am sorry the addition of red and orange food colours to your 2 litre bottle has made it bitter and unusable. For future reference, only a drop or two of colouring is usually enough to achieve the desired result, as opposed to a whole tablespoon, which to my humble opinion, is quite excessive.

I am not familiar with tofu. I have never eaten or cooked it. I suggested using whole or halved mushrooms instead of meat, fish or similar proteins. I am unable to explain why your tofu disintegrated into a cloudy liquid after you cooked in in your pressure cooker. For clarification, that method of cooking is usually reserved for tougher cuts of meat like bokoto (cow foot).

I am not at all surprised that you required hospitalisation after ingesting the afore-mentioned meal, and I do hope you are now fully recovered. I would not be giving you a refund for your olive oil, neither do I require you to guest host a future edition of my cookery programme.

Thank you for letting me know you are considering taking legal action against me, I have briefed my lawyers accordingly. I will address your other letters in due course.

Please tune in again soon for more episodes of ‘Cooking with Joxy’.

Kind regards,

Joxy

I’m supposed to write ten positive things about myself, so here goes.

1. I try hard not to generalise because I know for a fact that not every Nigerian is a cyber-criminal attempting to scam you of your hard earned money. There is a saying that a fool and his money are soon parted but again I am sure this does not apply to all the 419 victims who decided to fly in the face of common sense and willingly divulge details of their bank accounts and or life savings to those Nigerians who do happen to be cyber criminals. I know that not every one who is of Oriental descent is a great cook, and not every one who happens to carry the sickle cell gene or traits thereof will die early in life due to a sickle cell related illness. Oh, and not every dictator will escape being beaten and shot in the head like a rabid dog while being surrounded by a crowd baying for his blood. So, I try not to generalise.
2. I am outspoken. If I believe in a cause strongly enough, I will ensure my voice is heard. It is not essential that I sway others to my way of thinking, it is enough for me that I do not stay silent.
3. I have a great sense of humour, and can see the humour in almost every situation, even at my own expense.
4. I have a high pain threshold. This is very personal to me, and I am not stating this so the next time we meet you’ll squeeze my hand in a handshake so firm you’ll crack my bones just to check for the moment I’ll scream. I’m just saying this is something that has stood me in good stead over the years. Anyone that has been sliced open as many times as I have would appreciate this attribute too I’m sure.
5. I am a good cook. I love food. I love to cook, and more often than not, I get compliments. Not always, but most times.
6. I am feisty. Self-explanatory really.
7. I do not get involved in pointless arguments. If for instance you believe you are descended from apes and monkeys, I won’t spend my time trying to make you believe that God once walked amongst us in human form, and then died, that we might live. I might share what I believe, but I won’t argue with you.
8. I am friendly, though this is not always immediately apparent.
9. I am adventurous. This has led to me travelling to places like Beirut and Leiden after striking up friendships with natives of the said places.
10. I am a pretty good writer. It has taken me 22 minutes to write all this. Why then has it taken me so long to update this blog?

Thanks for the tag FG. I hereby tag Thewordsmythe and Pawpawandmango.

Thanks as always for stopping by . Please forgive any typos, and come back soon.

Every year, when the girls break up from school, I make a mental (and sometimes verbal) resolution to have all their uniforms sorted and ready for the next school year by the third week of their holidays. Every year, I fail miserably. Maybe next year.

Anyways, as I lay in bed, I thought to myself that all I needed to do was iron their uniforms. I soon discovered how wrong I was. Almost every dress needed hemming or stitching of some sort. I have a sewing machine, bought it almost eight years ago, but I’ve never used it. I bought a book on sewing over a year ago, flicked through a few pages, then stuck it into the bookcase and promptly forgot all about it till now. That’s another story for a different day.

And so I spent the day stitching, and ironing. And labelling. And muttering to myself as I searched or one thing or the other. I made it into bed a few minutes before Monday morning with a huge sigh of relief.

On Monday I watched my girls as they struggled with their various bags. E1* had her school satchel, PE bag, swimming bag and boot bag. Included in there somewhere was three pairs of shoes, not counting the ones she was wearing.

E2* was starting her first day of proper school. She looked like a mini E1* in her blazer and straw hat. Her satchel almost dwarfed her, but she carried it happily. I had her PE and swimming bags. Her shoes were a size too big, and E1*’s were a size too small, but I figured a couple of days wouldn’t do them any harm.

I had gone into Clarks’ on Saturday and had almost fainted at the prices of their school shoes. I got their feet measured and headed home to my laptop and Ebay. I got a brand new pair of Clarks shoes for E2* at a savings of £16 rom the shop price. The following Tuesday, I went to the Clarks outlet shop and got a pair for E1* at a saving of £15. Both girls went to school on the Wednesday in brand new, well-fitting shoes, and I had saved a bit of money in the process.

Fast forward to today, and I am typing away while E3* is sitting next to me watching Curious George on the telly. I’m sorry I was away for so long, and I hope to be back with more posts soonish.

*E1 – the child formerly known as Egirl.

*E2 – the child formerly known as Etoddler.

*E3 – the child formerly known as Ebaby.

Thanks as always for stopping by .

Mark Duggan was shot and killed by the police on Thursday evening, in Tottenham. An unregistered gun was recovered from the scene. The shooting and his ensuing death is under investigation by the Independent Police Complaints Commission. This is the standard procedure for any officer-involved shooting, at least that is my understanding.

On Saturday evening at some point, the IPCC provided support to some friends and family members of the deceased as they formally identified his body. At 5pm a group of about 300 people turn up at Tottenham police station demanding ‘justice’ for Mr. Duggan and his family. A few hours later, Tottenham burst into flames, and London’s steady descent into lunacy began. Businesses were looted and razed to the ground, families lost their livelihoods and homes, and a police force caught by surprise struggled to respond.

It is Monday evening, and I have just finished speaking to my parents to make sure they are safe. Thank God they are.They live miles away from Tottenham, yet the violence has spread to their area. As well as to Wood Green, Brixton, Oxford Street and Ponders End. Fires are raging unabated. Where will it end?

I am not condoning the actions of the feral maniacal looting hordes that are currently holding sway over most of North London. It is my personal opinion that those found guilty of engaging in and perpetuating this mayhem should be conscripted into the army and sent to regions where they can let loose their thuggish aggression to their hearts’ content, against a commonly recognised army.

I am not blaming the police force, who due to political correctness and the fear of offending ethnic minorities, have effectively been emasculated and reduced to the role of holding the hands of offenders, whilst trying to read their manuals on how to peacefully disperse crowds intent on causing havoc. It is only in the UK that criminals are comfortable enough to steal from shops with uncovered faces in full view of the police and the world’s media. And why not? All they will get is an order for community service or an Asbo. Law-abiding citizens are afforded little or no protection by a drastically reduced force that is slowly being strangled by the amount of bureaucracy involved in processing simple crimes. Their human rights are flagrantly disregarded, it is all about the offenders.

The real losers in all this are the communities where the violence is erupting. Families have been displaced. House prices will fall, businesses would move out, jobs would be lost,  and they would be plunged deeper into the quagmire of economic deprivation they have tried to escape for years.

The truth of the matter is that we are currently reaping the whirlwind of the storm we have sowed. Parents are not allowed to smack their children, as it is a breach of their ‘human rights’. Teachers are not allowed to smack their pupils for the same reason. And when they grow up into hardened offenders who have neither fear nor respect of any authority, we are surprised?

Declare a state of emergency and roll out the troops. Oh, and conscript on the spot. That’ll put an end to this nonsense. I live in hope. Stay safe Londoners, and thanks for stopping by.

Translation

Welcome to JustJoxy’s blog, coming to you from Blogsville.

I am Joxy, and I hope I have met you all in good health. I too, am well here.

I was going through Blogsville as is my wont, when I noticed Sugabelly’s Language Challenge. As a result of this, I decided to record my voice too.

I want to use this opportunity to thank all the people who gave me the Sunshine Award (this means that when they read my blog, it is as if a ray of sunshine permeates their surroundings). I want to thank Naijamuminlondon also known as NIL, and, and, ah! It was only NIL that awarded me. Your hand will continue to reach high, your ink will not run dry, you will not grow tired, thank you very much.

I know it is a bit overdue, but I too would like to give a shout out to those whose blogs I enjoy reading.

TheWordsmythe, are you okay? Verastic, how are you? Nittygritty, are things sweet? NIL, is all well? Myne, truly (play on words), Sting, what’s happening? PawpawandMango, long time…That name always makes me feel hungry, I’m off to look for a snack. Thanks for listening, goodbye.

That is more or less a direct translation. So some sentences might not sound quite right. I only realised I had left out Jaycee when I played back the recording. I could not face doing yet another take, so Jaycee…mo nki e o .

Thanks for stopping by

I signed up a few days ago, and so far, I am liking it a lot. I’ll tell you why.

Google+ gives you control over your data, and how you share it. It does not automatically assume that you want to share every aspect of your life with the whole world, and has come up with what it terms ‘circles’. You choose which circle you want to put people in, and also, which circle you want to share information with.

When you put up a post, there is an option to disable sharing. This means you will not subsequently find the picture of your 7 year old, a mortar, a pestle and some pounded yam, tagged and pasted all over the profiles of people you don’t even know.

It is not possible to tag another person’s picture without their explicit consent, or the tag the picture of a goat with a person’s name.

At the moment, there are no irritating applications and adverts clogging up every inch of space on the home page.

There is a discreet green button on the left side inviting you to chat with people in your circles (should you wish to) This is far less intrusive than a chat format where most of your ‘friends’ are displayed prominently on the right side of your screen.

I used to love Facebook, but I don’t like that they roll out unpopular changes without giving you the option of choice. This is not an exhaustive article on the features of Google +. For that you can check out Mashable.

In a Mashable news survey, Olaf Wempe said “If Facebook and Twitter had a baby, they’d call it Google+.”

I don’t know much about Twitter, but I think I agree.

P.S. If you have poked, inboxed, tagged or otherwise contacted me on FB, I am not ignoring you, I will get in touch on my return from exile. Of course you could always contact me in RL.

Thanks for stopping by .

So what’s been happening while I’ve been away? The girls finally broke up from school last week, so it’s happy days ahead. Egirl ended up doing very well at her piano lessons, she actually composed and played a piece all by herself and her piano teacher took the time to tell me how impressed she was with her efforts. So I’m guessing the little talk I had with her back then worked. Both Egirl  and Etoddler did very well at school and nursery respectively, and I am thankful to God for that.

I’ve been baking..sticky chocolate drop cakes, carrot cake and fudgy coconut brownies all within the last week, and I’m baking again on Monday. I’ve put on 3 kilos since I last weighed myself, but since a few people had commented I’d gone skinny, I don’t think that’s such a bad thing…as long as I don’t keep sampling my baking.

Facebook. I mention it from time to time in my posts, but this time I’m seriuosly unimpressed. There are some pornographic videos making the rounds, and they pop up at random on various friends’ news feeds, usually followed by a disavowal from the said friend later. First it was the image of a va-jay-jay with titles like ‘see the video that made the photographer commit suicide a few days later’ then it progressed to videos with picture of people engaged in full blown intercourse with titles like’ see what the father saw when he walked in on his daughter’. I for one would never click to watch such videos, but I’m guessing those that did click then got spammed, and all their friends got the videos in their news feeds or so. What on earth is Mark Zuckerberg doing? He doesn’t have the software to yank off pornographic images from FB? Which is why I’m giving Google+ a go in the hope that they will keep their content clean. I immediately delete all such posts once I see them, but I shudder to think of one of my children happening to catch even a glimpse of such nastiness on my laptop.

A friend of mine has started writing fiction pieces, and is putting them out there for others to read. Some of the criticism she has received has been vitriolic, and her responses have been quite measured and mature. I admire her, for not just talking about writing, but for doing it too, and I admire her restraint whilst responding.

And I’m off now, to bath my girls and put them to bed. I happened to notice the date earlier and realised that it had been a whole month since I’d posted anything. I could blame it on just discovering the brilliant series called White Collar and watching back to back episodes from the first season onwards but I won’t.

Thanks for stopping by .